Here it is folks...my feelings for today. I am mad, I am pissed (my MIL doesn't like that word), I am hurt and angry. On Friday I found out I have a big fat cyst on my left ovary, which I can feel today and that is a "oh so sweet" reminder! What was my reaction to that-" of course, what else would I expect". I know, sounds like a pity party but I didn't have any other emotion/feeling except for those words. I don't want to sing, I don't want to listen, I want to run...I want to do what the picture shows above, slam my door and turn up my music.
Blake read this to me last night which is supposed to be the Lord's words towards me. It's a neat little book that we've been reading through (thx kt). It says: "You worry b/c of past experiences when you were hurt. You are afraid to be hurt again. You are afraid I won't keep my word. You are afraid I don't care about you"...Why Yes Lord, that is exactly right. To which He replies "But I do care, every hair on your head is numbered." I know these truths, it's just really hard to believe them somedays. So again, Lord, I believe...help me with my unbelief, hurt, anger, tears, frustration and the desire to stick out my tongue and slam my door.
8 comments:
Yep. That's you. I know you're hurting and oh how I wish I could change your circumstances...like if we could connect all the dots in life and in some way make sense out of it all, we could manage life...and if we did that we wouldn't need God.
Love you and thank you for your honesty. You know that I wish I could change all this too. God's ways are not our ways and that is so hard to understand no matter who you are or what you go through in life. Love you forever
I want to pick that little girl up and rock her! You are real and raw is good. I will love you forever!
E, I am so sorry friend. Thank you for being real.
eb,
hii. i can just picture you walking into my dorm room saying that to me and aly. wow. time flies so fast.
celeste told me that you had a blog not that long ago and I just found it. its amazing. thank you for being so honest and sharing how you really feel with people. i have been kind of doing the too busy thing with God lately and rarely pull out my Bible and when I do its often to check it off the list...tonight reading your blog made me miss my Lord. It made me miss clinging to Him and not trying to do everything myself. it reminded me who He is and what He is doing and I really can not thank you enough for that.
I will be praying so much for your precious little womb and that it will be filled. I love you so much. tell blake hello from me.
its kind of crazy because i am not sure if this is exactly what i should say but im just gonna go ahead...we are kind of in the exact opposite position. i am so wiped out, sitting at my computer, praying that the crying I i hear in my head is not real and that everyone is really sleeping. and i really have not slept in at least 9 months. i have twins now and a 3 year old and two nights ago they all got up 2 or 3 times each. i am asking God, why me? why did this happen to me and why don't i have any time or energy or strength and my freedom and sanity are gone. I can barely go to the grocery store unless it works out with four other peoples schedule...yadayadayada...you get my drift. i just wanted to tell you that even though we are on diff sides of the spectrum (and i cant wait til you are on my side and I will give you tons of tips on how to stay awake AND function) you encouraged me tonight to turn to my savior and let Him get me through this more than I am. You are touching all kind of people in all kinds of places and He is using you. I just wanted you to know that. I love you.
Hey E,
Great post. Not a big fan of pi**ed either, (Michael and I just had that conversation) but it is probably the exact word for how you feel.
I continue to pray for you and Blake. I think you are very brave to share all of this and that God will bless your honesty. You encourage me as you seek God through a difficult season of life.
Love Ya!
Peace, todd
Erynn,
I am so sad for you! You have been such a positive influence in the lives of all our kids. The fibers of your love, grace, and mercy have been forever intertwined in the threads of Michael, Mason, and Madi's lives. You have blessed my children and me beyond measure. I too am angry that you don't get to just conceive and have a baby to bring into this world- to bless, to raise, to love, to lead to be lovers of Christ. I love you, your heart, and the great woman of faith you are.
The Mead family is praying for you! The Mead children are so blessed to have known you and to have been connected to the love of the Father through you.
Love you bunches,
Natalie
Well, that sounds AWFUL! I am so sorry to hear Erynn. You must be so frustrated. I wish I lived closr and I would run to starbucks and get you a HUGE frappucino to drown your sorrows in.
You are an awesome girl, sweet friend. I miss hanging out and knowing everything going on with you. You are in my prayers.
FTR: I am completely cool with pissed.
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