education opportunity

I've been thinking I should probably write down a few do's and dont's of infertility. A few things for others who don't experience this to remember when talking to others. The support group I have around me remembers these things often or have learned them a long the way. This isn't a post to them, it's an "education opportunity" for all.

I recently read a book called, When Empty Arms Become a Heavy Burden. It's a wonderful book. From the first page a sighed and thought "I am normal, I'm not crazy, I will be okay." It talks about the grief cycle which I think is important to post the cycles below. It is important to remember when dealing with those who go through infertility that this could be a monthly grief cycle, not a one time=done thing. Here are the different stages, you don't have to go through every one of them or even in order...most of the time it is a cycle though, and at times feels crazy.
Denial
Anger/Bargaining
Depression/Loneliness
Working Through
Upward Turn
Acceptance/Hope
I write this partly for myself to remind myself I am not crazy. I have hope one second and then can quickly go back to anger, depression, processing...and cycle again. So be graceful with those around you.

Second I wanted to post a verse that the book talked about which also made me have an "ahha" moment. The ones you know who go through infertility may never be "over it", they may simply be processing it for a lifetime. Not stuck in a rut, but it will probably change their life forever.
Proverbs 30:15-16"There are three things that are never satisfied, four that never say, 'Enough!': 16 the grave, [c] the barren womb, land, which is never satisfied with water, and fire, which never says, 'Enough!'

Last, a short list of things to never say to someone going through infertility!
1. Just Relax
2. Are you sure you aren't pregnant?
3. Are you sure you are "doing it" the right way?
4. Stand on your head for 5 minutes after and it will work.
5. I just know this will be the month, I just know you'll be pregnant.
6. If you adopt then you will have a baby. (several issues with this, won't get started).
7. God will give you the desires of your heart. (I personally believe that our desires may not be the Lord's will). If our hearts desire is Him...then He will forever give us our hearts desire.
8. It just takes time.
9. What if you did......Have you tried.....
10. If you pray enough, have faith enough, it will happen.
That's all folks. A little infertility class for you today! Have a great day!