Hold on to What you Got- or Not

On this day, my world changed. Again. *look at that sweet baby*

I remember one of the first things I said is, "He is ours, and finally not someone else's." You all know the story...we had infertility problems and I welcomed several sweet babies into this world, many I loved as if they were my own and still do. At the end of the day, we went home to an empty house.

Okay so I remember a lot from those years. One of which were verses in the bible about children being a gift. If you don't have children and want them, you too might see that verse and think "okay, but what about me?". Why hasn't the Lord blessed me? Given me that gift? Thx a lot Lord!!

Let me tell you what that now means to me. I feel like in the last few months, (really since P was born) the Lord has reminded me over and over to hold this little boy with open hands. I can't do it. I mean, I know I can...but I can't!

Psalm 127:3 specifically tells us children are a gift from the Lord. I heard it again yesterday at my bible study. It was interesting to think about it on this side of things. The side of being a parent. Instead of thinking that gift wasn't given to me, I instead saw it in a new light. OH....You (Lord) didn't mean that as a stab at those who can't conceive, instead you meant it as a reminder to those who have children. Children are simply a gift, something we don't deserve and we don't get to determine their ultimate fate. OH, we are to hold them with open hands every day and ultimately want whatever You have for them. Ah Hah....I am not in control...again? Dang it.

I often have scenerio's go through my mind and I am ultimately fearful of what life would be like for Parke if Blake and I weren't here. I'm not so much fearful of something happening to Parke (yet) b/c I probably just take advantage of the health he has been given thus far. BUT fear- it is NOT from the Lord. Worry- it is NOT from the Lord. Not one bit. I think know fear and worry are two little things Satan has convinced us are good things. Kind of like the more you worry about someone the more you love them. It's simply not true. The more we worry, the more we think we are in control of the outcome and the more we clasp our little hands around that person or situation.

So, I will continue to pray for the Lord to show us and reassure us of His will for Parke. His steadfast love, his promise to never leave us or forsake us and try....try my very best to love this little one with all I have, with open hands. (and tell our community group our plan) Oh....and make a plan, with open hands of course :)