Not a day goes by in which I don't think about where I've been. Some days stronger than others. Let me tell you a little about that. I feed Parke in a certain chair in my living room most of the time. Most people call it "erynn's chair" b/c I sit in it a lot. From this chair I can see the tree we planted to remember the baby we miscarried. When I pull in the driveway, I see it, when I go on a walk, I see it, when I step out my front door, I see it. If you've been over you have probably looked at it and thought "I hope it doesn't die, it's not blooming" etc. It's had better days but we are hoping it makes it...anyway...here is how the Lord continues to use it and what the tree represents.
I have been studying the book of Daniel with women from my church. It's an awesome little book and I just love the O.T. anyway. This past week we have been reading chapter 3. You know the story, the fiery furnace. We are always asked to pick out our favorite verse. I have a few but the 2 that stand out the most are vs. 18 and vs.27.
Vs 18: But even if He does not, we want you to know O king, that we will not worship your idol. The part that stands out to me is the "BUT even if He does not". That pulls at my heart in a big way. I feel like in the 2yrs of infertility and miscarriage this is one of the things the Lord worked on me with. The idea of "what if He doesn't". What if God doesn't give us a baby, what if he doesn't rescue the next baby from miscarrying, what if He doesn't open my womb....You see, right before vs.18 the 3 men just got done telling the King their God would rescue them. I think in general, I have an easier time proclaiming my love and devotion to Christ in the times He chooses to rescue me, show his faithfulness the way I expect him to, and love me the way I expect him to. It's the "but even if he DOES NOT" that I have learned to see his goodness and love. He patiently walked me through that lesson and continues to remind me of it.
Second, vs 27: at the end it states "and there was no smell of fire on them". Remarkable actually. No smell of fire after we just read how strong and hot the fire actually was. Here is my thought about that. First, it's amazing. Second, these 3 men might not have smelled of fire but I can almost guarantee you this- They remember the smell of fire! They were in it, surely they knew it was a little warmer in that furnace and surely it didn't smell like roses.
I'm still processing this last part. Do I smell like fire? Do I want to have a little bit of that smell still on me? Do I remember it enough to remember the Lord in it, his Holy Spirit guiding me, protecting my heart and singing over me? How have I grown b/c of the fire or am I the same?
As I was driving yesterday I was thinking of these 2 verses. My prayer and hope is this. I hope the next time someone asks me "How do I encourage you as a believer to grieve" I will have a different answer than the last time. I hope to walk a little stronger this next time and I hope to cling to the Lord more than ever. To know, without a doubt his goodness, his love, grace, mercy and compassion. To remember the days and quiet times it was just me and the Lord and relish in His words and plan for me, to worship Him for who He is, to know I can not take one step without him, the fire is simply too hot...even in the "but even if He does not" type of days.
Still processing...TY Lord for your word.
1 comment:
you are beautiful! and you are changed. you are marked. but you dont stink like fire! There is a new smell to you, but it seems more like insense, like a reminder of the sacrifice, not only yours, BUT HIS! and to remind you that HE DID!! That you came out alive~ praise Jesus! i am so proud of you....like many days :) Love you lots-you always encourage me.
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