My time with the Lord lately has been very strategic. Last week I was dealing with fear and anxiety. Fear in getting pregnant, fear in miscarriage, fear in cysts-it was Huge and it was beginning to overtake my thoughts. It sometimes takes my mind running at 100 miles a minute internally before I say these things out loud. I began to confess my fears to Blake, friends, family and God.
My dad had a good analogy as well: He asked, “Do you wake up in the morning with a song in your mind?”…(I was thinking, why yes-how do you know that). His point was… “Do you ever wake up singing Snoop (yes he said snoop)…Maybe in highschool Dad but no longer! He asked me Why in which my answer was “b/c I never listen to it”. Exactly- Satan had been writing the lyrics to my song for the last week and I had to come up with a way to combat that. A new song in my heart and head, something different than the song of fear and anxiety.
I knew I needed to take the battle seriously and so almost a week ago I started a new game plan. The Lord has helped me tremendously through it. Every morning I pray and confess fear, anxiety and pray about the Lord keeping those things and Satan far from me. I then read scripture about it as well. Then I read different scriptures and pray through conception, miscarriage and the ability to carry a child to full term.
I do not know what the Lord has for us. I feel like at this time, today-I am not grieving the timeline. Time has gone on-the babies around me are turning 1, people around me continue to get pregnant and families continue to grow. I can’t do anything about it but love them in it and be a part of it.
Today, in this moment I have confidence my house will someday have children laughing, running around, getting sick, and it will be joyful! It’s not right now, I don’t know what those children will look like or where they will come from but I know I will see that day. I have hope in the Lord-not necessarily in these things. Single minded in Christ and His blessing for us-knowing His plan is more than I could imagine. I hope to continue to be confident in Him, not in my future children but in Him alone.
Whatever He has planned-I believe there has been a song sung over me as it states in Zephaniah 3:17: For the LORD your God is living among you.He is a mighty savior. He will take delight in you with gladness. With his love, he will calm all your fears.He will rejoice over you with joyful songs….and this is the song:
When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
when sorrows like sea billows roll;
whatever my lot, thou hast taught me to say,
It is well, it is well with my soul.
It is well with my soul,
it is well, it is well with my soul.
Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
let this blest assurance control,
that Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
and hath shed his own blood for my soul.
(Refrain)
My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!
My sin, not in part but the whole,
is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!
(Refrain)
And, Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,
the clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
the trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
even so, it is well with my soul.
2 comments:
Erynn, this is so sweet, so deep. I love your dad's question and the processing it evokes-what song am I singing, because I am listening to it frequently? Ultimately, the place where you are when you can say, "It is well with my soul" is such an amazing place to be. I think that only believers in Christ get to experience that little bit of heaven on earth... The peace that surpasses understanding, even for a moment, is one of the greatest gifts I think God gives us. Thank u for writing this. It is an encouragement to my soul.
very encouraging indeed.
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