Vaca...and home again

Blake and I had a chance to escape this past weekend. It started out with a nice late night drive Thursday night with coffee to keep us going and then to Sunday. I suggest checking out McD's mocha latte....and fries with sweet and sour sauce I might add. Anyway-it was a perfect weekend! I really wanted some time with him and with the help of community group and family we were on our way. We have really thoughtful people surrounding us and they sent us off on our own. Thank you! My favorite part of the weekend was laying out all day on Saturday, however, what I didn't know is Blake might need more than 15spf that day :). It wasn't even till recently that I've used sunscreen so I thought we were good using the 15 instead of 8, live and learn. We also had an excellent time at a mexican food place called Vivo thanks to another sweet friend. We love the margaritas.

I do want to write about another part of our vacation. It was the ride home. This actually came as a surprise to both me and Blake. On the way home it hit me like a ton of bricks- I am in fact having a miscarriage, I am pregnant but carrying a child who will soon be "delivered" way before it is time, I am sad-very sad, I am angry and I will have to deal with this again as we go home. I will in fact plant a tree to remember our child but I will not hold this child, I will again long for the days of holding and knowing this baby-not the next one. I can not stay in denial I have to walk forward. The day coming home was probably the hardest day for me since learning of our miscarriage 2 weeks ago. I didn't expect it and Blake certainly didn't but it came, it came hard and heavy. I write this not to put a damper on this but for those who know of people going through a hard time. Expect days of grief, maybe worse than it has been so far. Expect for the grieving period to take a very long time-or not, but don't put limits on it either way. Be ready for the ride home when all fears and longings and sadness come tumbling in and know....even though you may want to hear of a wonderful time (and it was) they may only be feeling pain and may once again be numb to this world.