who I was made to become....

I've been thinking about this for a while and I'm not sure I can put it into words. I certainly can not come to a conclusion. You may remember a song I posted about by Brooke Fraser. In the song are the words: "cause my comfort would prefer for me to be numb, and avoid the impending birth of who I was born to become.." I once did want to be numb to all of this, all of the emotions really just suck at times. I no longer want to be numb or avoid who I was born to become. That is my question though....from birth, who did the Lord want be to become. Right now this applies to motherhood for me.
You see at 3 years of age I wanted to take the baby of another ethnicity home with us instead of my brother, I had a black baby doll etc... In highschool I went on many a mission trips to honduras and worked in the orphanages, same as Trinidad. I am always super sensitive to orphans and birthparents and anything regarding this subject. You can ask Blake...many a times before our infertility journey I've wanted to jump at adopting from another country. I then became a birthmom counselor, a job I will never forget....all of these things I think about and wonder if the Lord has been implanting a desire deep within me to adopt children someday. Has he aligned all of these things so that one day I would take a step back and see his plan or do I romantisize adoption?? I believe that you have to be called or have a deep desire to adopt. The Lord has to give you the ability to love other children as your own. I know it's scary for some but I truly believe I have been given the ability to love other children as my own. Does this mean I will, not sure. I don't see this as a "quick fix" to our infertility or an "instant baby" idea. I know that adoption is a very very long road and process. I also don't believe this is an "either/or" question meaning we can either have biological or adoption. Can I become the person God wants me to be without adoption?? I don't know...

So, I wish the Lord was audible but for now I will keep asking "who did You make me to become?"... Isaiah 26:8- "Yes Lord, walking in the way of your laws, we wait for you; your name and renown are the desires of our hearts."