from ashes to africa

I have to tell you that this past week included a day that the Lord allowed me to feel all emotion, all tears, all questions. I write this to let you know where I am and how this process feels. I don't want pity but hope to give others a greater understanding and to remind myself of the journey a long the way. I often think "what prayer are you answering with this"..."what have I prayed before that this is what will bring me to that point" "what are you doing Lord"...I feel like I have a few ideas but one of them is to know myself better, know the Lord more intimately and learn to communicate with him at all times. Part of communicating is listening....that my friends, He IS teaching me!

 I'm currently reading a book called From Ashes to Africa. It is written by one of my best friend's brother in law/family. They experienced infertility for a few years and adopted their son, Silas from Ethiopia. He is precious by the way. I feel like I am at a standstill right now wondering what the Lord has for us. I'm confident I am supposed to be a mother, but like I've said before....not sure where my children will come from. I think today I can say I have hope that they will be biological but even more hope that the Lord is good and knows who they are already. So...in reading this book I came across a scripture that took hold of me, made me weep with joy and sadness and gave me great hope. 

Psalm 27:13

I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord, be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord. 

It is really hard for me to feel like the Lord is speaking to me at times, not sure what it looks like or if I am "hearing" correctly. There is one thing I can say the Lord has said to me over and over in the last year "be strong, take heart and wait for the Lord." I like that this time it was partnered with " I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living". I'm trying to learn to listen, to notice the little things and to be closely knit to the whisper of the Lord. 

.... I do believe Jesus, help me to overcome by unbelief! Mark 9:24