I believe I have officially meditated on my last post long enough. I love when I find something I can read over and over again and feel like the Lord reveals something new each time-using the same words.

I have read over something else as well. I'll share a little bit here:

Start with Ephesians 3:20. This was the verse I read on Thursday. This was after a somewhat emotional day (for no good reason). After spending time with the Lord, feeling like a change was coming-not physically, but spiritually-my heart and soul. Feeling like I could actually believe and be thankful and hopeful in it. He no longer wanted me to think of myself as the way I did, but as His child. To breathe in and know change was coming and it was from Him-the mighty one, my savior. He spoke to me in a variety of ways that day, TYL.

So back to Ephesians 3:20 "Now, unto Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us." (if you are from the C.O.C-you know that song). From the very beginning of this read I knew the Lord was speaking to me. I wasn't sure I could believe the words but at the same time, knew I had to, needed to and that I would have to hold on tight.

Under the scripture it says this (in my book I'm reading):

You need to repent of a fretful, fearful heart.

You worry so over problems. You loose sleep.

Your eating habits are poor. Your body hurts.

You ask friends what to do, and others to pray for you....

THEN you come to Me and say "Let your will be done."

I told my disciples and I tell you, that I give you the power to tread on serpents and scorpions....

I have given you power and love and a sound mind, not a spirit of fear. My will is that you know who I am, that you love Me, and that you grasp this truth: You are more than a conqueror through Me. I give power to the faint and to those without might I increase strength.

I pray each one of you know these truths. Please pray that I would hold onto these truths day after day. I think I am taking steps in the right direction, in obedience and only by obedience with His strength. I have prayed and prayed that He would carry me through this-that I would not be able to look back and see my footprints but His and know that He carried me (that is the only way I'll make it). I also start a bible study this week with other women going through infertility- I pray also that the Lord will use this in mighty ways. Thank you to all who do keep us in your prayers. It means more than the world to me.

* If you are also wondering what you can be in prayer about for me physically- I want my cyst to go away and for my body to start a new cycle. Please pray it happens this week.

winds of change...

I found this yesterday. I don't even know the person who wrote this but it spoke volumes to me in the place I am in right now. It is something I would like to meditate on for a while. I pray the Lord speaks to me through it. As much as I would love to take credit for her amazing writing style I can't...I hope this blesses you too.

"I must borrow from my pastor now. Two days ago, I listened to him speak about sanctification. His definition of it seemed rather clumsy to me at first; almost too much to digest. To paraphrase: "Gradually becoming what we already are and what we're meant to be." What? It felt word-heavy, as though it would topple under its own verbosity. But in essence, what he was saying about sanctification was that it's both a one-time thing and an ongoing process. We have a maple tree in our yard that wears each season boldly on its branches. In the summer, it's vibrant and lush. In the fall, its leaves begin to crumple and crisp, turning bright shades of reds and golds. Winter strips it of any and all signs of life. But spring. Spring comes and never has that tree looked so glorious. Green, yes, and on its way to vibrance and fullness. But still new, still young. still just dappled with color. Spring is that first, early morning yawn of summer. Spring is pristine restraint to summer's tawdry decadence. My tree seems to stretch its weary limbs up against the bluing sky and reach out for life again. Always the same tree - never the same tree. It, like me, is in a continual state of transition.

If you believe in Jesus, you are like that tree. You, too, are changing. Perhaps not in drastic leaps and bounds, not all at once, but the change is inevitable. It is not by choice but by His spirit. Sanctification is a difficult word. Maybe it's easier to digest when you think of it as this: being the you He intended you to be. Not in a you kind of way. But in a Jesus kind of way. After all, you were made in His image. Sin has stripped us of that, has made us prisoners to something other than what we were called to. But salvation sets in motion a metamorphosis, a hearkening back to what was the original design.

First we are set free from the penalty of sin - hallelujah! I, like the church at Corinth, have been "called to be holy" (I Cor. 1:2). My sanctification is immediate. But it's also ongoing. With each day that I remain on earth, a battle will be waged to keep me free from sin's power. I must keep awake so that I can resist the temptation to drift off into apathy. I will feel the transformation, slowly but surely, as I become more like Him, "from one degree of glory to another" (II Cor. 3:18). Always the same girl - never the same girl. If I am a believer, if I am walking with Jesus, walking in true relationship with Him, my growth will never stop. Just as my maple tree is constantly changing, even if not to the naked eye, I, too, cannot help but be constantly changed, as well. It is not choice. It is inevitable. When we finally reach eternity, however that door may be opened before us, we that are believers will be done. The transition will be complete. Emerging from the fog that was our understanding now, we will be perfectly holy. Just as He intended. "We will be like Him" (I John 3:2), free from the presence of sin. There will be no more death, or tears, or pain.

He is making all things new. It is immediate, and ongoing. He was, and is, and is to come! There is an end to this story. There is a purpose. And there is a calm behind the chaos. He is making all things new. It is happening in you who believe, and He is urging you on in the metamorphosis of the world around you. Breathe in and know: change is coming."-(from the "staying awake" blog).

God's Plan for You

Jeremiah 29:11...I've written about this verse before. It was a verse written in my bible from my parents, always spoken over me and given to me time and time again. I know it well. I should say I can recite it well but there are plenty of days I don't "know" it.

Blake and I are going through a book "His thoughts toward You". Last night the title was God's plan for you. It started out with Jeremiah 29:11 and went on to tell us what the Lord thought of us. it says "If you were to think of yourself as I think of you, how glad, how healthy, how satisfied you would be. Your mind and body would be at peace. you would feel an absence of stress, a release from anxiety"..."Why would you war against your own precious heart? Self disgust is lifeless and loveless. When you allow thoughts of hopelessness, it is like jumping into a deep, empty grave. In the grave there is no life, no love." "But I am risen from the grave. Come out now! Leave your war behind. Bury hopelessness but do not bury yourself. Sit with me...you can hear me better when you are at my side. Shake yourself from the dust, loose yourself from the bonds around your neck and enjoy being a child of My heart.

I think I would like a day to sit beside Him, to have joy in Him, to be as free as a child swinging in the sun....to soak it all in. I need Him in these days. I can not make it on my own. I can feel the enemy creeping up and need all the help I can get to think of myself the way He thinks of me...a child of His heart. Remind me that I am free in you Lord.

Bestest

What I wanted to write about yesterday as well is about a box I received this weekend. Growing up we would sometimes have "surprises" on our bed when we got home from school. I LOVED this! At times we also got a special treat on those extra hard days. Well, I find myself back to being a "little girl" at times. As I was thinking about everything this weekend, I wanted to go shopping...I know, probably need to work through that. Not a shopping spree just a 10$ shirt would do. We went to lunch with our friends Adam/Sara. Sara showed up with a cute little black and white box with a big fat flower on it. With paint on her hands she handed it to me and said she made it for me. Now let me tell you, this box and the contents inside, took a lot of thought. A lot of time and energy. A lot of love from one of my bestest friends. That day I got to open a bar of chocolate which I consumed with a good glass of wine. I also got to open my favorite nail polish at the time "Lincoln Park after Dark"...I had special permission from Sara to open more than one surprise that day! With every treat comes a scripture. I have to read the scripture along with getting my treat. She knew that I would need the pick me up on a hard day but what she ultimately knew was that I would need to be surrounded with truth. She knows that as much as she wants to say, do, fix that nothing compares with the truth she can gracefully share with me. I love her for this, for who she is and the heart the Lord created within her. I now am following another tradition from when I was little...these scriptures are taped on our mirror for now. Growing up my dad would give us prayers or scriptures or just a nice note which displayed on the inside of our mirrors. So every morning while getting ready, I am getting ready for the day, for the battle, with truth right in front of me. I am so thankful for friends and to the Lord who gave them to me and gave me his word.

RAW

Here it is folks...my feelings for today. I am mad, I am pissed (my MIL doesn't like that word), I am hurt and angry. On Friday I found out I have a big fat cyst on my left ovary, which I can feel today and that is a "oh so sweet" reminder! What was my reaction to that-" of course, what else would I expect". I know, sounds like a pity party but I didn't have any other emotion/feeling except for those words. I don't want to sing, I don't want to listen, I want to run...I want to do what the picture shows above, slam my door and turn up my music.

Blake read this to me last night which is supposed to be the Lord's words towards me. It's a neat little book that we've been reading through (thx kt). It says: "You worry b/c of past experiences when you were hurt. You are afraid to be hurt again. You are afraid I won't keep my word. You are afraid I don't care about you"...Why Yes Lord, that is exactly right. To which He replies "But I do care, every hair on your head is numbered." I know these truths, it's just really hard to believe them somedays. So again, Lord, I believe...help me with my unbelief, hurt, anger, tears, frustration and the desire to stick out my tongue and slam my door.