Your name and renown....

Recently I've been reading in Jeremiah. For the last week I have read and re-read the same 2 chapters. Jer. 32 and 33. I have also thought about a song or two talking about "blessed be his name-when I'm found in the desert place, though there's pain in the offering-blessed be his name." How much harder those words are to sing now in the valley or in the desert place then when I so flippantly sang them in the easy, happy go lucky times in my life. Looking back, I did sing them in faith that if something were to happen that wasn't so easy -I would praise His name no matter what-having no idea how difficult that very thing might be.

This leads me to Jer. 32 &33. Please read both chapters if you choose so you will have context.

Chapter 33:5-9 Now this brought me hope:

After reading of a deserted field full of death the Lord goes on to say "Nevertheless, I will bring health and healing to it." "I will bring peace, rebuild them, cleanse them, and forgive them...Only after he brought the lifeless fields and lifeless people new life would the they bring renown, joy and praise to the Lord so others would notice and be in awe of his abundant prosperity and peace....

Alright, so if my life, and our lives as Christians here on earth have to resemble the field and the people of Judah/Israel in death and despair so through that God can restore, rebuild and repair us to bring renown to His name-then as difficult as it is to sing and live it and as tempting as it is to call it quits and bail: By His grace we will sing- Blessed be his name, when I’m found in the desert place, though I walk through the wilderness. Blessed be His name. Blessed be His name, on the road marked with suffering. Though there’s pain in the offereing, blessed be His name. Only because Isa 26:8..His name and renown are the desires of our hearts.

Just Shred It (a little MJ inspiration for title) :)

A few friends of mine and I have decided to do 30 day shred until July 23. We can rest one day a week but have to shred the rest. You might recognize the instructor from a little show called The Biggest Loser. I can't imagine being on her team in person-she is hard enough on video!

So if you are looking to loose a few pounds or simply gain muscle I HIGHLY suggest you buy this little $15.00 video. It's a 20 minute work out with 3 different levels. You have no excuse to not do it with the little time it takes (darn). It will kick your butt, trust me. You might have difficulty after your first day doing things like sitting at your desk, toilet or down for dinner...If you do it with other people in the room you or they will get a good laugh as well.

You will need to get very light weights for the muscle groups you aren't so used to working (like my shoulders) and then a little heavier. Do not think you are hot stuff and try this with really heavy weights-you won't make it (unless you are like my mom who does it when she is bored). So if you want to jump on the band wagon, go out today,get the video and join us. Tell someone you are doing it so you'll have accountability and get started. I'll report back on July 23 to report how good/bad I did! Oh yeah...and if you are brave-take before and after pictures.

V-mark it. Day 4 doneskee....

Wrestling with...

I've been reading the book Fields of the Fatherless for a week or so now. It is a great book and a quick read. I would suggest it for anyone. I have a heart for orphans which was stirred by my work at Adoption Access and has continued to this day. I admit, at times, I get very confused in my head about the plans God has for us.

Why are we trying so hard when there are orphans? Will we get to the end of the road and figure out we were supposed to adopt all along? How will caring for orphans and widows be a part of our life?.....

With all that said I've also tried not to let the emotional and/or romantic part of that get to me and lead me down a path I'm not sure we are supposed to be on this very second. All of these questions go into a part I liked the most about this book....

The section that has been on my heart is titled, The Padlock on Our Compassion: Fear. Here are a few questions/thoughts from the book I've been thinking about.

1. We flee from the need in front of us because of our ancient, ruthless foe,fear.

2. What if the impulses are from God? What joy might we be cheating ourselves out of?

3. *Ironically, fear is what prevents us from growing and changing. Fear wants nothing to change; fear demands the status quo. And the status quo leads to death.*

4. What kind of adventures in the kingdom of God could you be experiencing right now?

5. *Am I fulfilling the life I know I am called to live? Am I living my destiny?

"We overcome our fear when we refuse to give the enemy a foothold, and refuse to respond to the fear."

I think I fear a few things right now. They would include taking on more volunteer opportunities which would interrupt our life as we know it, getting more involved with the Tapestry ministry at WM, trying to get pregnant again, seriously looking into adoption and asking God if that is what he has for us, and the real question: Being able to pray with open hands asking the Lord to show us what he has-his will, his timing, his ability to move us, mold us and change us from who we are today...it might mean something different=change, and fear doesn't like change.

My daddy....

Happy Fathers Day! I am incredibly blessed to have the father I do.

A few things I remember:

1. Donuts on Sunday mornings

2. Carrying the olympic torch with my dad

3. The light on at 4am praying for us and doing his qt

4. Discipline

5. Reading the word at dinner sometimes, we always had dinner together as a family.

6. Asking me if I knew the meaning to the "red light special" song on a road trip

7. His laugh, His smile, His hugs, His sticky notes on our mirror, His ability to cry with me

8. Family was put before work-always

9. His leadership, ability to listen and give counsel

10. Never doubting his love for me-ever.

Thanks Dad. Not a day goes by that I am not thankful for you. Even more thankful that you have and continue to show me and guide me in the truth and God's love. I love you.

5 Years and Counting...

We met in 00-01. We weren't exactly best friends at first but occasionally hung out. I'm going to guess this is towards the end of the year when we decided to be friends. There is a devo. at ACU called "9:00". It's a bunch of college kids together, singing acapella style to start the week off. The summer after freshman year is when we started becoming better friends, emailing and talking more.

4 years later, 2 years of dating...we were engaged. Blake proposed in his parents backyard and asked my family to fly in to be a part of the evening. It was a surprise to me-after bid night I might add so I am going on no sleep! We went and looked for rings that day which put me in a very bad mood to say the least. He totally threw me off. It was a perfect night, and one he had planned and thought out for a long time.

We got married that summer in the Pierces backyard. It was beautiful. It did rain that day, as in a small hurricane but it cooled everything off and the girls went barefoot for the evening. Most people wouldn't do their wedding the same if they could go back-not me, I loved it (doesn't surprise you huh)!

We went to Capri Italy for our honeymoon. So there are a few dreams that have come true...marrying Blake and honeymoon in Italy! It was wonderful (besides getting sick) it was perfect! This is when we ventured off on a little hike for the day. We did this often and encountered stairs a lot!

This is a HOT photo of Blake in London on our way back. Isn't it the perfect picture?

Here's to you, love....thanks for the past 5 years of marriage. What a wonderful 5 years we've had. There have been many answered prayers that we have prayed for each other a long the way. I was in love with the man I met, and even more in love with who you are today. Looking forward to a lifetime.

What goes up....

Must come down...You might be looking at the picture below thinking I was in the middle of a huge forest with gigantic trees and a tightrope walker at the very top. Nope, this was one of our huge trees in our backyard that sadly was cracked down the middle by last weeks storm. We've always been afraid of this happening and it falling on our house. Thank you Lord it stayed together until someone came to take it down. So on a lighter note...here is the progress of the tree coming down. We are very sad, even though the Sun will shine a little brighter in our backyard which I happen to LOVE the sun!

It took them a long time just to get to this point. The guy in the pictureloved me taking his pic! You can finally see the sky.

It's almost done. You can see the rope hanging from the tree and our destroyed backyard. And we can't see it but I'm sure Blake's heart is racing 1000beats a minute.

This is what was left after a load had been taken to the curb. This is just the bottom of the tree.

Count the rings-I believe there are around 50 if not more....

A Saturday morning....

On Saturday we had a little gathering to plant a tree in memory of the baby. Trust me, I used to be a person who would not have understood all of this but now I truly do. Blake and I decided to plant a tree called The Rose of Sharon. It is a smaller tree, it won't get very big but niether did our baby. We chose it because it is mentioned in Song of Solomon when describing Christ's relationship with his bride, it's meaning "consumed of love" and because of its mention in Isa. 35:1-2. The passage is speaking of coming out of the desert and parched land, how the people will soon be glad, they will rejoice and blossom. Like the crocus (another name for it) they will burst into bloom and rejoice greatly and shout for joy. The glory of Lebanon will be given to it, the splendor of Carmel and Sharon; they will see the glory of the Lord, the splendor of our God.....We also chose it because of it's purple/blue blooms. The last thing we knew, our baby was the size of a blueberry so we thought it was fitting. We also had those who wanted to, write letters to the baby so we could plant them with the tree....

Next Blake and I planted the tree while our family watched. Blake made sure we had flowers and mulch to make it look perfect after we had planted it. He is so thoughtful. I can tell you it felt so great to be able to do something sweet and meaningful and life giving to honor our baby. It was great to plant the tree and actually help move the soil over the roots, to work at it, to give life to something. We wanted a beautiful sweet reminder of this time in our life.
Our family was able to attend. It was really special to have my Granny with us who happened to be in town and Lindsay who also had a trip already planned for this weekend.
This is my mom, Granny and me in front of the tree. A picture of generations. I love my mom and granny and think they are beautiful. My mom came and stayed with me for a few days this past week as the miscarriage began. I can't tell you what a blessing it is to have your mom take care of you! Thanks momma.
After we planted the tree we went inside and prayed. My dad shared Isaiah 35 with us as well speaking of coming out of the desert which we most certainly feel like we are in, and one day rejoicing and shouting for joy....We then went back outside so Blake and I could let go of 7 balloons. It symbolized the 7 weeks we knew our baby. We released the balloons as a goodbye and as a symbol of physically releasing this to the Lord.

It is wonderful to have our new tree out front to look at when we come home. I will tell you the day we came home after hearing we would loose the baby we felt like we had come home from the hospital without a baby. A tree will never replace a baby but it is a physical reminder of something that is alive and beautiful that represents the life the Lord did give us for a short while. We are still on this journey and some hours/days are much harder than others. We aren't through this by any means but trying to walk forward having Faith the Lord will pull us through. I love the tree, it is perfect.

Glory Baby

Below is a song a sweet friend sent to me. I've had this song on a CD since high school and then on my ipod whenever those came about. I knew of this song but couldn't bring myself to listen to it. Thank you sweet friend for sending me the lyrics. I too will write a letter to our baby, I won't post mine, but guarantee the feelings are the same as below.

Glory baby you slipped away as fast as we could say baby…baby..
You were growing, what happened dear?
You disappeared on us baby…baby
Heaven will hold you before we do
Heaven will keep you safe until we’re home with you…
Until we’re home with you…

Miss you everyday
Miss you in every way
But we know there’s a
day when we will hold you
We will hold you
You’ll kiss our tears away
When we’re home to stay
Can’t wait for the day when we will see you
We will see you
But baby let sweet Jesus hold you
‘till mom and dad can hold you…
You’ll just have heaven before we do
You’ll just have heaven before we do

Sweet little babies, it’s hard to
understand it ‘cause we’re hurting
We are hurting
But there is healing
And we know we’re stronger people through the growing
And in knowing-
That all things work together for our good
And God works His purposes just like He said He would…
Just like He said He would…

BRIDGE:
I can’t imagine heaven’s lullabies
and what they must sound like
But I will rest in knowing, heaven is your home
And it’s all you’ll ever know…all you’ll ever know…

Vaca...and home again

Blake and I had a chance to escape this past weekend. It started out with a nice late night drive Thursday night with coffee to keep us going and then to Sunday. I suggest checking out McD's mocha latte....and fries with sweet and sour sauce I might add. Anyway-it was a perfect weekend! I really wanted some time with him and with the help of community group and family we were on our way. We have really thoughtful people surrounding us and they sent us off on our own. Thank you! My favorite part of the weekend was laying out all day on Saturday, however, what I didn't know is Blake might need more than 15spf that day :). It wasn't even till recently that I've used sunscreen so I thought we were good using the 15 instead of 8, live and learn. We also had an excellent time at a mexican food place called Vivo thanks to another sweet friend. We love the margaritas.

I do want to write about another part of our vacation. It was the ride home. This actually came as a surprise to both me and Blake. On the way home it hit me like a ton of bricks- I am in fact having a miscarriage, I am pregnant but carrying a child who will soon be "delivered" way before it is time, I am sad-very sad, I am angry and I will have to deal with this again as we go home. I will in fact plant a tree to remember our child but I will not hold this child, I will again long for the days of holding and knowing this baby-not the next one. I can not stay in denial I have to walk forward. The day coming home was probably the hardest day for me since learning of our miscarriage 2 weeks ago. I didn't expect it and Blake certainly didn't but it came, it came hard and heavy. I write this not to put a damper on this but for those who know of people going through a hard time. Expect days of grief, maybe worse than it has been so far. Expect for the grieving period to take a very long time-or not, but don't put limits on it either way. Be ready for the ride home when all fears and longings and sadness come tumbling in and know....even though you may want to hear of a wonderful time (and it was) they may only be feeling pain and may once again be numb to this world.