education opportunity

I've been thinking I should probably write down a few do's and dont's of infertility. A few things for others who don't experience this to remember when talking to others. The support group I have around me remembers these things often or have learned them a long the way. This isn't a post to them, it's an "education opportunity" for all.

I recently read a book called, When Empty Arms Become a Heavy Burden. It's a wonderful book. From the first page a sighed and thought "I am normal, I'm not crazy, I will be okay." It talks about the grief cycle which I think is important to post the cycles below. It is important to remember when dealing with those who go through infertility that this could be a monthly grief cycle, not a one time=done thing. Here are the different stages, you don't have to go through every one of them or even in order...most of the time it is a cycle though, and at times feels crazy.
Denial
Anger/Bargaining
Depression/Loneliness
Working Through
Upward Turn
Acceptance/Hope
I write this partly for myself to remind myself I am not crazy. I have hope one second and then can quickly go back to anger, depression, processing...and cycle again. So be graceful with those around you.

Second I wanted to post a verse that the book talked about which also made me have an "ahha" moment. The ones you know who go through infertility may never be "over it", they may simply be processing it for a lifetime. Not stuck in a rut, but it will probably change their life forever.
Proverbs 30:15-16"There are three things that are never satisfied, four that never say, 'Enough!': 16 the grave, [c] the barren womb, land, which is never satisfied with water, and fire, which never says, 'Enough!'

Last, a short list of things to never say to someone going through infertility!
1. Just Relax
2. Are you sure you aren't pregnant?
3. Are you sure you are "doing it" the right way?
4. Stand on your head for 5 minutes after and it will work.
5. I just know this will be the month, I just know you'll be pregnant.
6. If you adopt then you will have a baby. (several issues with this, won't get started).
7. God will give you the desires of your heart. (I personally believe that our desires may not be the Lord's will). If our hearts desire is Him...then He will forever give us our hearts desire.
8. It just takes time.
9. What if you did......Have you tried.....
10. If you pray enough, have faith enough, it will happen.
That's all folks. A little infertility class for you today! Have a great day!

Praise Him

I thought I would post today about Valentine's. About Blake and how much I love him. You know, a cute little countdown of 14 things I love. How the tulips he bought for me are beautiful and remind me of our wedding day (40 pink and orange)! How spending a weekend at the Joule was just what I needed and I couldn't have dreamed of being married to such a wonderful man. I truly love him...I am so fortunate to have so much to loose. 

After reading a scripture this morning I changed my plan. It overwhelmed me and humbled me. Like I have told you, I am in Isaiah. This verse falls under chapter 48 titled "stubborn Israel". The verse today is:

"For my own names sake I delay my wrath

for the sake of my praise I hold it back from you,

so as not to cut you off.

See, I have refined you,though not as silver;

I have tested you in the furnace of affliction.

For my own sake, for my own sake, I do this.

How can I let myself be defamed? 

I will not yield my glory to anther.

I know this is for the children of Israel in that day but today the Lord spoke to me. One might think I read this and thought of my current situation. I admit, a little. But what overwhelmed me is the fact that I am a sinner, I have fallen short of the glory of Christ and He has chosen to make me His child. He chooses to delay the wrath that I deserve and instead refines me. All for His own sake. Now I think this is where some could be mad at God-call him a selfish God b/c He would afflict pain or test someone for His glory. It is for us that He can not allow himself to be defamed. Everything He does points back to him so that we may praise Him. So today, I praise you. I praise you in the good times and bad, I praise you that you delay your wrath and choose to refine me, choose to use what I think is affliction for your Glory, for your names sake! Thank you Lord, praise His holy name.

Thanks Lord

Many of you know that I was at the doctor this week several times. This isn't abnormal, just a part of the normal week. I just wrote about the prayer shower that was held for us. I also told you about the book we received with everyone's prayers inside. On Monday I was able to sit down and pray all of those before going to the doctor. It was such a sweet reminder of how faithful the Lord has been to put friends/family in our life at this time. I've also been reading through the O.T.-slowly but surely. As I was laying on the doctor's table for a while I decided to continue my reading. Isn't it funny that when we put our eyes on the Lord we have peace, understanding and comfort. When we are focused on ourselves is when anxiety, unbelief and worry come in. I believe the Lord gave me Isaiah 43 that day. It was perfect timing and stilled my heart, thank you Lord:

But now, this is what the LORD says—he who created you, O Jacob,

he who formed you, O Israel: "Fear not, for I have redeemed you;

I have summoned you by name; you are mine.
2 When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;

and when you pass through the rivers,

they will not sweep over you.

When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned;

the flames will not set you ablaze.
3 For I am the LORD, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior;

10 "You are my witnesses," declares the LORD,

"and my servant whom I have chosen, so that you may know and believe me and understand that I am he. Before me no god was formed, nor will there be one after me.
11 I, even I, am the LORD, and apart from me there is no savior.
12 I have revealed and saved and proclaimed— I, and not some foreign god among you.

You are my witnesses," declares the LORD, "that I am God.

prayers of hope

Many of you know about our community group and close friends around us. We could not go through this part of life without them. They put others needs before their own and take initiative to pray in a time of need. So this past Friday night Blake and I were showered with prayer. The troops were called in! Our closest friends and family prayed over us. We sat in the middle of a circle full of everyone who has been crucial during this time.  It was a beautiful, meaningful time. I believe this is what the Lord would have us do in all circumstances...the Lord says when 2 or more gather in His name he will be there....and He was. Many people who attended had their own bag of things we could have prayed about but they set it aside to pray specifically over us. It is such an honor to sit and listen to the people you love cry out on your behalf. It was a reminder of the Lord's faithfulness and was an encouragement to hear all of the requests before our God. Each person had something it seemed that the Lord laid on their heart to pray for us.  They also put together a book for us so we could take everyone's written scripture or prayer home with us, I can't wait for our children to read them someday and know how many people were crying out on their behalf. We prayed for healing, peace, strength, the Lord's timing-His plan and His words.  I trust that the Lord heard our cries and will answer. He will answer according to His plan, plans to prosper and not to harm us...to give us hope and a future. He is a good and faithful God! I am hopeful of what that might be.

Thank you friends and family, I can not imagine life without you...

If you follow this blog-thank you  for praying for us as well. 

Faithful

My dad is one of the greatest men I know. Truly, if you've met him you've probably laughed, shared a beer together and walked away knowing he is a man of God. Recently I've had the privilege of reading through my dad's quiet time journals. The date: 1984. Yep, he has every writing since then either on paper or on the computer- what a legacy! I've been reading through it and it is such a blessing. I can relate it to the times of a new marriage, prayers to trust, to be Christ centered, for His word to come to me and speak....I like that my dad did have to start from somewhere and actually did walk a similar road to me/blake (would have never believed that in h.s.)...You know what else I've noticed, the answered prayers. I wonder how quickly he knew they were answered or if he even remembers praying them. I know he remembers the big things, but what about prayers for character, patience, who he is/was in Christ...He prayed about having a heart for people, to be a man who would give good counsel, to love his family well. Patience, kindness...the ability to trust the Lord with his kids-the feeling of us getting older etc.  I'm not very far in the journal but I love reading it every night. Thanks Dad for leaving such a legacy and I to pray, like you, that it will carry to my children and their children....

 So, if you (like me) have prayers today that you aren't sure are being answered know that the Father is answering those prayers and someday, maybe 20 years from now you'll know the plans He had for you.